CYA testimony

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Aldem and Vanessa
- married for 18 years
- have been in Ligaya ng Panginoon for more than 23 years
- joined Christ's Youth in Action back in their college days

i prepared a mini script for and from the video :)

Aldem:
Vanessa and i met in college. We had a relationship for about 2 or 3 years. It was secret because we know that in CYA that was discouraged. And i guess looking back that was the mistake because when we kept it to ourselves there was not much guidance for us. But because of the perseverance of the brothers and sisters, ... through their prayers and through their guidance after some point when we prayed together we found out that that was not the right time for us for our relationship. So towards the end of college we decided to break off, not because there was a problem with our relationship, but because we knew it was not the right time

So when we broke off the relationship, i found out that there's really the great power of letting go especially at the right time, and when you do that, it allows you to reset and to rearrange your life towards a more purposeful future, and in this sense, the purpose that God has for us

So when we broke off our relationship, we had to say goodbye without any agreement of coming back together again. So that was what we call really unconditional and trusting in the Lord that He will take care of us beyond the relationship.

And i remember that i had to make an effort to assign in my thoughts Vanessa to the background rather than to the forefront of my attentions in life. What does that mean? i still kept her as a friend because there were many times we'd see each other in community gatherings and meetings, but i had to stop seeing her as the center of my life. And i had to do that, i felt it was important because at that stage in my life, i had to put God first, build my career, discern my state of life, and develop healthy relationships with others, especially with brothers and then of course with other sisters. And there would even be times when i would learn that she'd be sick, not feeling well, whereas in the past, i'd of course run to her side and take care of her. Once we were off the relationship, i would just say a prayer for her and not even, you know, communicate with her. And i had to learn to trust that during the time, i had to be convinced that God was sufficient for her, and that she was perfect without me. She had enough relationships around her to help her to grow, to become, and that her world did not center on me, and to let God be enough for her and to constantly remind myself not to fall back into the illusion that she needed me or that i needed her.

it's very important to know first your state of life** before you get into a relationship so that everything is in order, but all the time believing that as i grew and developed myself and i was able already to have a mature disposition in life, in my case after four years, then one of these days at the right time, in God's time, He will provide for me the right partner whom He has also been preparing. And so at the right time, when i'm more mature, and i meet the person who God has also been preparing for me, as mature, and both of us have been honed, especially broken against maybe our rebellious will, humbled, blessed, and now with a much bigger heart, beyond just thinking of "myself", and looking more towards the good of the other. Now i can give of myself and love more. The important thing is that that should be done no sooner, maturity first, growth in the Lord first, trusting in the Lord first, putting Him first in your life, and then i believe that everything would fall into place. And of course the bonus for me was that four years after, even if Vanessa was very eligible and many of the men, the brothers, were hoping to have a relationship with her, the Lord prepared her just for me. So when we got back into the relationship again, even if at first she was not that open to accepting me anymore, God found a way for us to work back and build our relationship - this time more mature, more secure and available to give more of ourselves.

the right love too soon will actually turn out to be the wrong love, and that's why God's timing is always perfect

Don't hurry, just allow the Lord to work in your life. Allow the Lord to develop you, to grow you, and put Him first and He will take care of your future. And He will have the best prepared for you

Vanessa:
There is a lot of grace when you decide to give yourself to the Lord. When we were separated, He was my only friend, allowed me opportunity to allow others to become my friend, especially other sisters, and it has blessed me a lot. i'm a better person, i'm a much stronger Christian woman because i have, in a sense, given up what is not yet in it's proper time.

Not all brothers and sisters will end up married, but in our case, we're blessed to be married and having five children. So it's worth the wait and it's worth the pain, because there's a lot of joy when the Lord finally says , "This person is for you."

Aldem
We have also some brothers and sisters who had relationships before, in college. And then they broke it off and followed the Lord. There were some of them who are not with each other anymore, but they're married to someone who's just fit for them. And they have holy lives, they're happy where they are, they have good children. It works just as well when they put the Lord first.

There's no replacement or substitute to following God's will. ;)

**state of life discernment is a process of discerning what kind of life God calls you to be - to be single for the Lord, be married for the Lord, or to follow a religious life (priest, nun, etc.)